i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize