Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
