OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
