so explain again why im purple
no
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Still dying that you shit outside
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize