saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
