I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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