Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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