"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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