I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
