No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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