just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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