i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
