come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
