I skipped work to stalk him.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Alive.
So much puke
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
