Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
