My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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