her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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