that's an acceptable place to lick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
