I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
