Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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