Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she smelled like a LAN party
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize