i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
love makes seman taste better
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is my gift to your gina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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