i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
