my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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