Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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