the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
