i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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