i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
