im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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