I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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