Im at strip club and am horny
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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