i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
