Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's rum buckets o'clock
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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