When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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