ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize