so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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