He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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