im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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