I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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