if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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