): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
