She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
