Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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