Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
