I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
