she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
