dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
