I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
