Already got asked if we're dating
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
