He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
