Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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