If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's get the cat blown out
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
