Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
