So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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