Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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