I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
