So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
