I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's blow job season.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
