My hand turned me down
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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