Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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