Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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