You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
