Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
