Got a toothbrush?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
