i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
