Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
