Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
