Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
