Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
