Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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