It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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