I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize