You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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