I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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