I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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