i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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