Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He felt like a one man threesome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
