Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
