It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
