Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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