I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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