I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
