You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize