I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
