why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
