my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
