I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
