I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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