You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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