i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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