Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
