Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
