So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
