When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
