I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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