lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
