it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
