You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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