hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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