Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
