Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
