i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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