Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize