I'm lost and stupid without you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
