i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love having hate sex.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
