oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
