How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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