dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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