: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
