last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
